someday i will untie myself

What a surprise to find this and a pleasure to read.
A comment following In A Day Gone posted by Hetro

someday i will untie myself
from this rock, love of you,
and i will no longer be lashed

i will rise through the water
no longer dropping down
seeing the sun translated through ripples

as i am bourne skyward
i will feel the nearing warmth
gravity reversing its hold to propel me home

and when i break the surface
the question will be answered:
can i breathe the air of the new day?

or have i grown gills
and now belong to the depths
tied to this rock, love of you


My thoughts - Good imagery and mood in this -
seeing the sun translated through ripples
gravity reversing its hold to propel me home

I particularly like the ideas and feel of Stanza 4 and
The use of gills and depths in the final stanza is stark and perfect.


Only suggestions I have are minor –
in stanza one-
delete love of you,and maybe change lashed to bound
to read

someday i will untie myself
from this rock
and i will no longer be bound

Last stanza
delete rock
and flip now and belong
to read

or have i grown gills
and belong now to the depths
tied to this love of you

This is one of the aspects I love about poetry – the range of voices, emotions, and interpretations.
BTW feel free to critique my work. I hope the blog will become a place to discuss and share writing. Thank you Hetro.